As we all know, there’s been a lot of debate over what should be done with the parcel of land at Center Street and Clayton Road.  The most recent poll conducted by the Clayton City Council indicates that the majority of residents favor an upscale dining establishment however I think it might be a good idea to define the term “upscale”.  As a father of young children my idea of upscale is any restaurant that does not have napkin dispensers on the tables.  I assume the majority in question has a somewhat different definition in mind.

But lets forget all of that because I’ve given the matter of how best to utilize that troublesome piece of property some very serious thought and have come up with what I feel to be a pretty darn good idea.  I will use the site to build a home (OK, castle) where I will reside as the official Grand Marshall of Clayton. 

Now hear me out on this. If appointed I promise to perform my Grand Marshalling duties with the utmost dignity and professionalism (which won’t be an easy task while wearing the ten gallon Grand Marshall hat and purple suede chaps that I’ve got my eye on). 

The Clayton Road side of my home (OK, castle) will boast a tall tower with an open platform.  From this platform I will regally wave each morning and evening to Clayton’s commuting community.  My morning presence will be like that of a coach, firing up the team for the long day ahead.  Evening shall see me as the kindly innkeeper offering a warm welcome after a hard day.

My days I will be spend amongst my neighborhood brethren, travelling the streets and back roads keeping my finger on the pulse of the people.  You’ll find me everywhere, from presiding over canasta tournaments and performing other Marshell-esqe duties at Diamond Terrace, to sampling the wares at Mudvilles where my presence will help to quell the occasional skirmish that breaks out between the two camps over whether to watch game 7 of the World Series or Celebrity Jeopardy.  Believe me it has the potential of turning very ugly and I promise to ensure that peace prevails and more importantly that the beer continues to flow.  Ed and I are also in discussions about implementing the “Grand Marshall’s Brew of the Month” as well as my hosting next year’s Super Bowl party, as if we needed any more reasons to run with this idea.

From the hallowed halls of Endeavor…Hall, to the boot stompin’ halls of the Clayton Club my unique brand of Grand Marshalling will be known throughout the county.  No longer will a decision need to be made each 4^th of July as to who the Grand Marshall will be.  “Oh that’s right, we’ve got Joe.”  I’d also be available for private functions, birthdays, anniversary’s, weddings.  No event to large, no FEE too large.  You name it, I’m Grand Marshalling it baby. 

Please. I urge you to consider the needs of the people of this fine city.  Write to our esteemed council members and demand my suggestion be put to a vote.  The first fifty residents to write will be invited to my Grand Marshall “Let’s Christen the Castle” blow out. I can tell you the Clayton Police are going to have their hands full THAT night.

Again, let’s think of the people.  The possibilities for a chance to do some good are endless.  And who knows, if this Grand Marshalling thing works out I may consider a run for Governor.  Hey, we could do worse.

BIO: Clayton resident, Joe Romano is a free-lance writer for hire. He can be contacted at jromano01@yahoo.com