A friend of mine has herself a Sugar Daddy.  Not so much in the traditional sense but basically a rich friend who likes to spend money on her.  This strikes me as decidedly unfair as there are and have been many times when I could definitely employ the services of a Sugar Momma to, you know, buy me lunch, a new pair of Converse High Tops, or just a little “bling” as my wardrobe is conspicuously “bling-less”.  Not that I’m really into wearing jewelry (why do you think pawn shops were invented) but being able to swing a little bling now and again might be nice thing.  And who am I to look a gift Sugar Momma, in the mouth?

This same friend of mine has a saying: Don’t hate. Congratulate.  In other words, rejoice in another’s good fortune instead of being jealous and covetous. To this I say phooey.  Phooey, phooey, phooey.

Covet and hate, that’s my motto.  When I see a shiny new car as I’m rambling about in my 1993 Mocha Frost Metallic Mercury Sable, I hate.  Oh and I covet baby, I covet.

Do I covet that Midnight Blue Porsche Boxster that just left me standing at the light?   Does my uncle Ang enjoy the benefits of a heaping helping of fava beans?   

I have several friends who will soon be enjoying the warm summer days in their back yard pools.  While I’m gazing out over the expanse of Sahara that is my back yard, will I inwardly smile at the thought of those friends joyously frolicking in their private oasis?  Hell no, though I do always get a warm fuzzy at the thought of them on their knees, checking chlorine levels, unclogging filters and skimming out dead bugs.

Those folks with central air conditioning in their homes are also on the list.  When that thermometer climbs into the 100’s, even with the wall rattler at full tilt, only our kitchen manages to cool off, albeit ever so slightly.  We’ve got so many floor fans that our house begins to resemble the Altamont Pass. 

Yes I realize this all makes me sound very petty and mean spirited and to this I also say phooey.  I WALLOW in my pettiness and will continue to do so while interviewing candidates for the Sugar Momma position for which I am currently accepting applications.  The e-mail address is listed below.  Just remember, it don’t mean a thing if you can’t swing that bling.