It’s true what they say; kids DO say the darndest things.  Recently my five year old son told me and I quote, “It feels good to poop.”  I couldn’t argue with him and not just because I was laughing.  But it also made me realize that while he may not have inherited my physical characteristics he most certainly received my Italian genes in other forms.

Make no bones about it, we Italians are very proud of our heritage.  Italians can form instant bonds with people for no other reason then having the same ethnic beginnings.  We are a boisterous, fun-loving, food loving people.  The family gatherings are big and the wine and victuals are plentiful, not unlike those stupid Olive Garden commercials, only without all the phony smiles and kissing of the elderly matriarch.  My East Coast family reunions memories include baseball games, hot summer nights swarming with mosquitoes, kids running and playing while the older folks talked about the “good old days”, lots of talk, laughter and of course, eating and drinking. 

A strange topic of discussion that seems to surface amongst my Italian brethren is about our “patterns”, and we Italians are forever discussing this subject with great interest and enthusiasm.  I can recall as a child, spending several weeks one summer in Boston with my grandmother.  Every day, the same question:  “Did you have a bowel movement today?”  I’ve never felt so much pressure in my life. Her browbeating resulted in a two-week bout of constipation, which in turn increased the frequency of her interrogations.

For you  OTI’s (Other Than Italian), this is probably something you don’t understand.  In fact, you might very well be shaking your head in disbelief.  My German-Austrian wife has told me on numerous occasions, in fact whenever this subject arises, that she cannot recall a single time in her life when her family discussed the topic of their bowel patterns.  It perplexes her to no end.  For us, it’s as natural as talking about the weather.

 “Looks like it’s gonna be another hot one today Paulie.” 

“You ain’t kiddin Angie.  By the way, this morning’s was beautiful.”

 “Good one huh?”

“Fuggetaboutit. Those fresh tomatoes and fava beans Gloria made last night.  The best.”

To be completely truthful I must claim ignorance here because I really have no idea WHY this is the case or how this came to be.  Growing up I assumed all family’s discussed these matters.  Just last week while having dinner with my parent’s my father asked me if I ate prunes.  No lead in, no segue, but then, none needed. I immediately understood.  A strange question you might think. Au contraire, just an example of normal dinner table conversation.  In case you’re interested, I don’t eat prunes. My father, however, eats six every morning.

So where am I going with this and what does it all mean?  Probably nowhere and that I simply have too much time on my hands.  I will, however, leave you with one of my grandfather’s sayings, may he rest in peace.  The man lived to 104 so you can’t tell me he didn’t know a thing or two about a thing or two.  He used to say “Ti amo come una bella cacata.” which, loosely translated means, “I love you like a good BM.”   I think this pretty much says it all.  And let’s be honest, is there a higher compliment than that?  If there is I don’t know what it could be.