I’m terrible with names.  I’d like to say that it’s simply a result of the aging process but I don’t really think that’s the case.  For some reason I just can’t seem to remember who you are. 

If I were to meet you for the first time I can guarantee that I’ll forget your name within 30 seconds.  It’s nothing personal; I do it with everybody.  Then, I’ll give you a name that makes absolutely no sense and is in no way connected to your actual name. 

For some reason I think every guy I’ve ever met whose name I cannot recall, is named Fred (with the exception of Brian whom I always want to refer to as Jeff).  I’ve called several men “Fred” believing that to be their actual name. I only know ONE Fred and often draw a blank on his name, which makes NO sense at all.

I know a “Bob” and every time I see him I catch myself wanting to say “Hey Fred” and in fact, have done so on more than one occasion.  Same thing with “Pete”.  Whenever I see him I think to myself, “There’s Fred”.  I don’t understand it.  And nothing against the Fred’s of the world but let’s face it, Fred is not what would be considered a common name.  Joe, yes,  John, yes, Mike, yes.  Fred?  No.  And I’m just as bad with you women.  You all become “Jill” to me.  If ever a real Fred and Jill move in next door my whole world will experience a cosmic implosion of gargantuan proportions.

My most recent “Fred and Jill” experience occurred at my children’s school carnival.  “Pete” was there.  Now Pete and I don’t really know each other very well.  Our kids are in the same class, we both attended a field trip to the Teddy Bear Factory a few years back and I see him and his wife…Jill…at various school functions from time to time.  But there he was next to the dunk tank talking to some other guy and I said to myself, “There’s Fred”.  Now in the back of my mind I KNEW his name was not Fred but in no way would I have ever come up with “Pete”. The odd thing is I know another “Pete” and always remember that his name is “Pete”.  Is ANY of this making sense?  Please say yes because I’m on the verge of tears here. 

So ANYWAY, there’s Pete near the dunk tank and I want to say hi but don’t want to call him Fred.  When he eventually sees me a little later I feel like an even bigger yokel as he says “Hey Joe”.  I manage to get through the entire conversation without having to use his name then immediately track down my wife Lisa, I mean Jill, no, LISA and ask “OK, what’s that guys name?  We talked to them on the 1^st day of school?  We talked about golfing with Fred and Jill?  Yea, that guy.” Of course she remembers but by then Pete is no where to be found, though really, what would I have said at that point?  “Hey PETE.  It was nice talking to you 5 minutes ago PETE.  Say hi to Jill for me.”

Later that same day I saw Eileen.  Now I’ve known Eileen for awhile.  Our kids go to school together and our sons were on the same baseball team and while we don’t chat every day I’ve had enough conversations with her to have lost count of the actual number.  Certainly enough so that I should remember her name.  So I say hello and I make some witty (OK smart ass) comment and refer to her as Jill.  She was kind and did not correct me but I know she was probably thinking, “That Fred, what an idiot.”