Hair’s the Place. Lisa’s Hair & Nail Techniques. Frontier Salon. Main St. Aesthetics. Hair by Jim. Permanent Solutions. Great Clips. Nails by 2001. Lela’s Hair Salon. Hair Now Salon. Clayton Mind & Body Connection

Here’s an interesting nugget from the “for what it’s worth” file. The city of Clayton has at least 11 businesses devoted to hair, nails and the general upkeep of personal appearance. I say at least 11 because that is how many I personally counted while on a break from slacking off. This figure does not include folks that might be running a side hair or nail business out of their home or pet grooming establishments. Of those 11, 7 are in the immediate “downtown” area.  This is an area approximately less than 1 square mile.  What does this tell us? It tells ME that we must be one ugly bunch of bastards. 

Let’s face facts. We have 7 “beauty” establishments, all within walking, hell SPITTING distance of one another and all seem to be performing pretty well. I mean, I haven’t looked at their income statements but then I also haven’t noticed any “Going Out of Business Exfoliation BLOW OUT” sales either. 

Now believe me when I say that I’m all for a good-looking citizenry but I also think this shows a certain amount of bias on the part of us Claytonites.  I’m sure there would be a bit of dust up if say 7 bars were to open within lurching distance of one another. Now please don’t start writing to me about how Skipolini’s and Mudville’s and the yoga place  all serve alcohol. Restaurants and establishments of torture don’t count. OK, I’m kidding about that last one, they don’t serve booze but they should at least administer SOME sort of pain killers after turning folks into human pretzels.   That aside, the Clayton Club is really the only true bar in Clayton and God love ‘em.  Now imagine 7 similar establishments in the downtown proper. Think John and Jane Public might be on the phone to their city councilman, toot-sweet? You bet your dirt-clogged pores they would.

How about porn? (yeesss, how ABOUT porn?) Everyone secretly enjoys it, and again, don’t start writing about how YOU are above such degrading and demoralizing material.  Get over yourself or we’ll send a Concerned Citizen’s Task Force to raid your closet, your video cabinet and the space between your mattresses.

However, enjoyment aside, we as upstanding citizens certainly would not want 7 smut peddling establishments to suddenly spring up (no pun intended) in our bucolic downtown. I mean, really, if you want that, move to Las Vegas. What happens there, stays there. Or so I’m told. I wouldn’t know because I couldn’t go with the boys on their annual trip this past March. You see it’s like this. There are these things called priorities right? (yea, I had to look it up too) and apparently food and clothing rate higher on the list than booze and strippers. It goes without saying that I did not have a hand in creating this list though I did receive a copy of it the day my children were born. 

My point is that…well I really have no point other than to point out that we sure seem to have a lot of personal care establishments in Clayton. And as one who appreciates beauty I would personally like to thank them for all that they do. That’s all. Go back to whatever you were doing.

In other news—After performing a particularly mind-boggling trick, local magician, Peter Morrison, was tried and convicted as a witch. The burning will take place at noon this Sunday in the “John Proctor Memorial Grove”.  Reception to follow at Endeavor Hall.  Please be sure to sign up for the potluck. Hope to see you there!